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09 May 2006 @ 01:02 pm
1. Lost. I love it, but jeez it makes me anxious!

2. The ghetto football players in my dorm who whistled at me and asked if they could "holla" at me the other day. wtf?

3. My life right now. I'm sick of living it like it is a chore. I need someone or something to make it more exciting and meaningful again. Hopefully it will get better once the semester ends

4. Chicago because it has taken my favorite people away from me

5. Myself. Yeah it sucks when you are on your own shit list. I'm such a tool sometimes and always end up screwing something up. :sighs:

6. My brother's fiance

7. pms

8. Matt S for accidentally cutting my finger with a knife. It's a long story, and I really dont even know how it happened

9. Studying. I really suck at it. I keep trying to sit down and study but it just doesnt really happen. I have so much going through my mind now that I can't really sit down and concentrate

probably more shit that I cant think of right now

Anyways, only 3 more days left! I am excited to leave the dorm so I can never hear annoying people running around screaming and the ghetto people yelling outside anymore, but I dont really want to move home again because my parents will start annoying me again. Ugh...I guess I just have to get used to it seeing that I have to live there next year too. Oh well, I will deal with it I suppose
Current Mood: busyprocrastinating
Current Music: Gorillaz- Last Living Souls
- I bought my Bonnaroo ticket so it is definitely happening! Now it is me, Katie, and Tessa, and maybe Seth if he and his friend decide to drive there with us. SOOO EXCITED!

- I have been selected to teach a freshman orientation class! I am going to be teaching Exploratory majors in the fall. I hope my faculty partner is nice and doesn't totally take over the class so I can actually teach. I also hope my students like me and don't totally hate me or anything. That sounds weird...my students.ha.

- My brother Steve got a job in Chicago and I don't want him to leave because I will miss him so much. I know it's a really good experience for him but I am still really going to miss him and I don't want him to go =(

- I almost slept through my 12:05 class today. Wow that is kinda sad.

- Work is going allright, but it still gets really annoying. I am really busy and it is just another thing to stress me out. Some told me to drop dead last week and I responded with "Wow! You are AWESOME!" I haven't really had to deal with too many douchebags so it has been ok.

- After this week I will only have 2 more weeks of the semester left! One more week of classes and one week of finals. I'm not too worried about them, but I do really have to do well on pretty much all of them (3) to get either an A or a B in the class. Well I pretty much need a miracle to do at least decent in my 7 Ideas class because apparently I am retarded and suck in that class. I hate science.

- I made my schedule for next semester and it includes Human Evolution, German I, Educational Technology, Lit in English II, my Orientation class, and SI Seminar. SI Seminar is really pretty much a meeting for Orientation instructors but I still get like 2 credits.I don't want to take German (or any foreign language) but I am because it is much better than having to suffer through another math class.

- Brian is leaving soon and it really makes me sad when I think about it so I try not to, but it is really hard to ignore it. I really wish that he didn't have to leave.

- Tomorrow is FLASH FEST! I am excited because my 3 of my friends' bands are playing!

- I really wish that I didn't have an appointment with my advisor tomorrow morning at 9:30. I don't think I really have to go there anymore, but it is too late to cancel it now. Damn, 9:30 is way too early.
Current Mood: awakeawake
17 April 2006 @ 11:09 am
Guess who is going to Bonnaroo?! Yes...ME!! My parents were nice enough to pay half of it for my birthday so Katie and I are going.Hopefully we can get some other people to come along with us too because that would be cool if we got a group thing goin. I think my brother and two of our friends might go too. I have to get my tickets ASAP though because they are going to keep increasing in price.Bastards!

I am sooo excited and I haven't been so excited like this in such a long time!
Current Mood: excitedexcited and anxious
Current Music: Bob Marley- Soul Rebel
05 April 2006 @ 12:06 pm
Well I guess Brian and my relationship is now coming to an end. It is so heartbreaking and I can't stop crying. We have put this off for so long and now the time is coming for us to part. He only has one month left till he is going to graduate and move back home to NR to live with his parents for a month until he moves to NJ for his job in June. I wish there was something that I could do to make it last longer until he has to leave but I know there isnt. I want to spend this last month with him as much as possible, but he says that it will only make it harder for him to leave me because he will only be more attached. As much as I hate to admit it, he is right. I just dont want to waste this last month and time we have to be together. Even if we dont spend a lot of time together, it will hurt just as much for me either way. When he leaves it will be completely different. At least now I have the comfort of knowing that he is still here.

It's just not fair. He has been the perfect boyfriend and I could never ask for anything more. We shared so many things, but now everything is changing. He was my first everything, and I dont want all of that to go away.We arent the same anymore. I think it is because we have been so afraid of him leaving and how everything is going to change. I want to always be with him, but he says we are too different, and deep down I know that we are.He is so amazing, but we really are different. I think being different is good to some extent, but add that to being in two totally different places it just doesnt work.

He thinks it is all his fault but it really isnt. We met and fell in love at the wrong time.He is finishing college and beginning his life and career, and that is bringing him to NJ. I wish I could go with him, but I am just starting college and have 3 more years left. I guess that is just how life works sometimes. It's not fair and it's not what anyone wants, but unfortunately that is how it is. Things change, people change because of certain circumstances, and people have to start a new life at some point of their lives. I wish with all of my heart that this happened 3-4 years from now so it could probably could work out, but that just isn't how it worked out. Maybe it will still be there and will be able to work out again then, but right now I have to focus on now. I am only 19 and have to date other people before I actually settle down with someone. Maybe it will be him, but maybe not. If it isn't, then it just wasn't meant to be even though we want it to be.

The only thing that keeps me going and will get me through this is knowing we love each other and care about each other. I know I will have to let it fade over time, but I know that won't be for awhile. I cant just forget about someone who I have shared so much with over a long period of time. Especially him because he really is special. He is so unlike any other guy I have ever met, he is actually genuine and really cares. I know that there will be others and the whole "there are other fish in the sea" thing, but they still aren't him. I dont think I will ever meet someone like him again.

I know that at some point it will get easier, but I don't know how to get through it till that time comes.
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel- Bridge Over Troubled Water
27 March 2006 @ 12:31 pm

I think there should be a sequel called Crocks on a Canoe

13 March 2006 @ 03:36 pm
I cant believe this. It seems like a bad dream and I cant wake up. My friend Zach just passed away today. He had been in the hospital for a month in a coma from his pancreas failing from his stomach meds, and last night his heart stopped and he was put on life support,but they took him off of it this afternoon. It doesnt seem real. I cant imagine how Jay,Paul,Zach,and Tessa must feel. I cant even think of losing one of my best friends. I feel so bad for his family too. I have known his sister forever and I cant even think of how they must feel. The last time I saw him was at Anna's holiday party, and we said we would hang out but never did. We always said we were going to but it never happened. We were always so busy. I never gave him the time of day back in high school when he wanted to date me and everything or whatever, and it seems like I just never really gave him the time of day ever. We always tried to meet up,but it just never happened. This just proves that life goes way too fast and is filled with meaningless things that you have to do and leaves no time for the people who mean the most to you. It just shouldnt have happened.He was too young and too good of a person. Why do these things happen to good people? It seems to be a huge mistake. I already miss him so much.

Strange face, with your eyes
So pale and sincere
Underneath you know well
You have nothing to fear
For the dreams that came to you when so young
Told of a life
Where spring is sprung

You would seem so frail
In the cold of the night
When the armies of emotion
Go out to fight
But while the earth sinks to its grave
You sail to the sky
On the crest of a wave

So forget this cruel world
Where I belong
I'll just sit and wait
And sing my song
And if one day you should see me in the crowd
Lend a hand and lift me
To your place in the cloud

-Nick Drake-Cello Song
Current Mood: sadsad,confused,shocked
13 March 2006 @ 01:43 am
damnit..before bed I went to the bathroom and washed my face, and at 1:00 I realized that I might have left the facewash in there, so I went back to the little room where I washed my face and it was gone. I am so unnecessarily pissed off. Mostly because it is my second time doing something like this. Grrr. Whenever I see something in the shower or somewhere in the bathroom that someone left I leave it there, even if I could use it, because I know the person will come back there and try to get it. Unfortunately I live on a floor with some cheap bitches and thieves.

I can't believe that I am losing sleep being pissed off about my stolen face wash. It was really damn good stuff too. Now I have to buy another one. >=0

I hate people
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
07 March 2006 @ 03:44 pm
I am so excited that March of the Penguins won the best full length feature documentary! I was happy.I love those cute little guys.

How the hell did the Three 6 Mafia win an Oscar?WTF?!Wow.It definitely must be hard being a pimp.Absolutely disgusting.

On Saturday I went to Elena's party at her house and I had a really great time. She had a classic sleepover with all of us kids and it was really nice being with everyone again since everyone is all over the place. It kind of made me sad though too because I miss the days when we were younger. In Elena's basement there was a corner of all of her old toys, and it made me sad because I remember playing with every single toy down there back in the day when we were inseperable. I felt kinda out of place because it doesn't really seem like I get invited to come around very often. Especially with Maeve, Cailey, and Jessica. We all go to Kent State but I never see them. I know they hang out all of the time, but for some reason I am always excluded. Granted I am always extremely busy, but so are they and they still make time for each other. It was literally a month or two since I had last seen Cailey. I know she is always with Wes, but she sees Maeve and Jessica all of the time. I felt so out of the loop and excluded there. I dont know if I am growing apart from them, or if they are growing apart from me. It is really hard because I have made quite a few of new friends and it is hard balancing it all out, but why should I try to hang out with them since they always forget about me and dont make any effort to see me anymore? God...I feel like a whiny high schooler or something.
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
28 February 2006 @ 12:56 pm
man I want to go to bonnaroo so much.I should start a fundraiser or something. Do you think "send stephanie to bonnaroo" will work? Yes.

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Nick Drake-From The Morning
25 February 2006 @ 07:05 pm

what's this kid's deal? haha.WOW
Current Mood: amusedamused